


when you were lost I followed right behind

by undying_ficdelity (goshilovearrows)



Series: don't tell the gods I left a mess [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Internal Monologue, Loki's not doing so well, POV Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 12:59:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14694714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshilovearrows/pseuds/undying_ficdelity
Summary: Infinity War Spoilers:Thanos decides that death is too good a punishment for those that have failed him.





	when you were lost I followed right behind

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://thisdorkyblogthing.tumblr.com/post/173680141007/thisdorkyblogthing-okay-but-what-about-an-au) Tumblr post, where instead of Thor watching Loki die for a third time, Loki has to watch Thor die. 
> 
> Title comes from Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw.
> 
> If you want to, come say 'hi' on [Tumblr](http://adotcunningham.tumblr.com/)!

“The Tesseract, or your brother’s head? I assume you have a preference”.

Loki does.

“Oh I do.”

But he can’t allow himself that luxury. Not right now.

_(Not yet.)_

“Kill away.”

_(Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?)_

Thanos is holding his brother’s head in his hand, the Power Stone glowing purple as it is pressed against him, and it’s all he can do to not surrender the Tesseract immediately to stop Thor’s screams. But Thanos will not stop after the Space Stone, Loki knows this. In fact, this stone is the key to the ruin of the galaxy - the portals that stone can create means that no world (no barren moon) will be safe from Thanos’s reach, and he would have easy access to the other six.

He mustn’t. Thor would (should) make the same decision. It’s one man ( _your brother_ ), against half of the universe - the sum is simple. Only he can access his pocket dimension, where the stone is safe for the time being. Thanos needs his co-operation to get it ( _you hope_ ), and he assumes ( _correctly_ ) that torturing Thor will get him what he wants.

His face is damp. When did he start crying? All he can smell is burning flesh (on top of the lingering smell from the Black Order’s arrival on the Statesman), and it’s all his fault. If he’d just left the Tesseract in the vault - but then Thanos could have just picked it out of the empty space where Asgard had been, and been on his quest all the sooner ( _but Asgard would not have suffered further - until the Titan had achieved his goal, at least_ ). Could Surtur have destroyed the stone? If given the chance to do it again, would he leave it behind and watch what happens?

It’s too much. Thanos is not trying to kill. There will be no end to Thor’s torment here. Not unless he…

“Alright, stop!”

It’s done. Could Thor have done better _(of course he could)_ if their situations were reversed?

_(And you bargain for one man.)_

 

* * *

“I consider experience, experience”

A slim chance is all that Loki has. But a slim chance is better than no chance, and he’s played with higher odds than this before. Thanos has two stones now, can go anywhere in the galaxy instantly - how long before he finds another? Does he already know where the others are all located? Too many stones had made their way to Midgard in the past, how many could be in one location now?

The beast - _the Hulk_ \- could not defeat the Titan, with only two stones. He cannot allow Thanos to go any further - to do so would be to damn the whole universe _(but you gave him the second one)_.

_(You really are the worst, brother)_

If he can kill Thanos, here and now, before he goes any further - yes, in full view of his children _(you will die today)_ \- but the universe would be safer for it. Is this what heroes do? Is this how Thor’s shield brothers of Midgard feel every time they step into a battle against an unstoppable force _(now is not the time to think about New York)_ \- against a foe that they may not win against?

He’s not cut out for this life.

Which is good, as there may not be much of it left.

“I, Loki.”

If this is it, he’s going to do it on his terms.

  
“Prince of Asgard.”

How long has it been since he’s called himself that? Not since before the fall (you let go).

“The rightful king of Jotunheim”

It’s who he is. If this works, he will have represented two of the nine realms, and they shall know the tale of this day. If this doesn’t - well, it won’t matter much to him. Can Thor take some comfort in knowing that his brother had found some peace with himself?

“God of Mischief”

It’s not his greatest trick. Maybe there’ll be an opportunity for that, later. If he lives through the next two minutes. But he’s started this creed, and so he’ll finish. Never let circumstances cut a grand speech off pre-emptively.

“Odinson.”

Now he looks at Thor. Thor, who’s been encased in the ship’s hull, unable to move, unable to speak due to an improvised muzzle _(don’t think about New York)_ , unable to stop him from carrying out this suicide mission. _(Please understand that I’m doing this for you.)_

“Do hereby pledge my undying fidelity.”

He’s no longer talking to Thanos by now. Surely Thor knows that he’s talking to him by now. If there’s any comfort that he can gain from knowing that his little brother is completely loyal to him, that the speeches on Sakaar made a difference.

_(Please forgive me, brother. Never doubt that I love you.)_

He swings the dagger that he’d concealed at Thanos’s throat.

Of course it failed. It was never going to succeed. He’d been far too slow. His arm is frozen in place, inches too far from the jugular, along with the rest of him. This is where he dies.

_(Can you? Can you die? You haven’t even managed once.)_

“That was unwise, little Jotun.”

He knows from experience that it would be painful. It will also be long. Thanos is not forgiving, and he has betrayed him twice now. It is a shame that Thor will have to watch him die a third time.

_(And whose fault is that?)_

But Thanos is walking away from him, towards - no. This is much worse. He’s completely immobilised, unable to turn his head to see what is transpiring behind him. One of the Black Order (is his name Obsidian? Such unoriginal names) is turning him around, holding him in place - quite frankly, an unnecessary step at this point in time. If there was ever a time for his silver tongue, now would be that time - how to persuade Thanos to spare Thor, and take him instead.

_(He will make you long for something sweet as pain)_

Thor’s realised what’s about to happen, and if there’s anything that Loki wished that he could do right now, he wished he could cast something to block his brother’s imminent pain. The one outcome that he hadn’t accounted for when he’d been visualising the possibilities. What words of comfort could he say that would make anything easier?

“Brother, I-”

That’s all he could manage before there’s a large hand covering his mouth. There’s a sad acceptance in Thor’s eyes now - had he been hoping that this was another part of his schemes? His brother is going to be killed, and for the first time he is powerless to stop him from coming to harm. He’s always had Thor’s back in a fight, but this - this is no fight. This is an execution.

On the Titan’s command, the Maw _(don’t think too much about all he did to you back… then)_ releases Thor from his bonds, and Thanos effortlessly picks him up by the neck. Loki wants to turn away, wants to close his eyes, but he owes his brother this much.

“Loki, I’m sorry, you aren’t the-”

His words are cut off as Thanos begins to squeeze. It’s so hard to see Thor, his incredibly strong, powerful, invincible brother dangling powerlessly, looking so small in the Titan’s hands. Loki knows what he was going to say, though. How fitting, that Thor’s final words would be to apologise for calling him the worst brother - what fault of this was Thor’s? He’s the only one who holds the blame here _(aren’t you forgetting Thanos?)_ , if anyone should apologise - he tried, Norns, he tried to. Does Thor know? They’re both crying, and Thor’s dying, and he’s powerless, and in the next moment there’s a snap and his brother is gone.

Thanos is saying something, it’s just meaningless words, how could they mean anything when everything is gone. Thor was never meant to die first _(he was never meant to die)_ , Heimdall is dead, the Valkyrie has left with Korg and Miek on his orders _(did Thanos get them first? Why didn’t he send Thor with them?)_ , even the Hulk has gone (to Midgard as a warning, he hoped). Asgard in further ruins _(it’s a people, but if there are no people)_ , how many managed to escape?

Loki falls to the floor, suddenly released from both physical and magical bonds, and Thor’s lying there, and he can hear the sound of a portal opening, and there’s a smell of burning, and nothing matters because his world has ended _(the line of succession falls to you)_ , the last of his family is dead _(and who is responsible for that?)_ , and the Statesman is collapsing around him _(your saviour is here)_ , and trying to accomplish anything more is futile. All he can do is cradle his brother’s body, and wait for space to accomplish what Thanos did not.

**Author's Note:**

> If I can ever figure out how to write the Guardians, I'd like to continue this AU. But we'll see how it goes.
> 
> EDIT: Now part of a series! Stay tuned.


End file.
